I originally intended this post to be titled “What I intend to do tomorrow what once seemed foreign to me” but I guess it will be more appropriate calling it “What I will do today, NOW.”
For some reason, I feel like I have constrained myself into a narrow corner of life, and forgotten a vast world out there that once existed, still does, and, hopefully, forever will. I used to tell people that my favorite season so far has been autumn, and what I enjoy most about it is watching the leaves fall down. Guess what, I don’t think I have enjoyed it for a moment yet this year. You know how beautiful those trees in front of Wilson library looked the day I sat in front of it, enjoying my lunch? It is only an imprint in my memory now, but damn it was beautiful. who have I been honest to? No one, not even myself. How much have I tried to change that? I can say I have thought about it, but beyond that I haven’t done much more.
I once thought, and still believe, that I am capable of doing a lot. I have done a lot so far in 2008, but I don’t think it is what I intended to do, ever. Looking back, I think those 2.5 hours I spent at Whizard Academy and the 10 hrs/week I spent working on PHYS 1101 were probably the best I feel about the past 10.5 months. I feel like I made a bunch of students happy about their classes, helped them succeed, not only in getting As on their tests but also making sure they actually understood what the importance of the glycolytic pathway is, or what the significance of the work energy theorem is. I definitely should do more of that. It surely makes me happy.
You know what I used to love? I could watch cricket for hours on, discussing the finer aspects of that late cut by Azharuddin or the terrible attempt at a hook by Ganguly… alas, I haven’t seen a minute of cricket this year. not a minute. I am currently looking at the live scorecard on the Cricinfo, and man what a fabulous job the Indian team is doing right now!
Another thing I feel like quoting because I am too tired to write it out:
(12:34:37 AM) Gautam: I thought I understood poverty and stuff, and have always wanted to work towards income equality
(12:34:50 AM) Gautam: guess what, I haven’t seen a dirt poor person since 2005
(12:35:05 AM) Gautam: and even then, I’m not sure I recognized what he was going thru
Similarly, I haven’t spent an ounce of my time towards climate change related things, and back in the day (re: just 5-6 months ago) I felt like I was in the forefront of the movement fighting it.
So here are some things I haven’t done this year so far that I will do TODAY come 8 am:
1. Give that lady who plays the violin on the bridge a dollar.
2. Strike up a conversation with the dude behind the counter at Jamba Juice, and actually buy one.
3. Make friends with some Indian guy I haven’t spoken to before and talk to him about this ODI that is happening currently.
4. Tell Ceyhun how cool he is.
All in all, understanding why the Schiff base intermediate formed in the aldolase enzyme of glycolysis is making me a better biochem student, and understanding the concepts behind the Hartree Fock method is helping me out in Physical Chem, but I think just writing this note to myself has helped me out a lot today. There’s just so much I’ve missed in all this time. I guess it’s a good thing that it’s not been years of my life that have been laid to waste, but I really am optimistic that I will be much happy about 2008 than I was about 2009.
Best to you out there figuring out your lives. It’s not easy; it comes in small steps at a time.
GK